he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Rumble strips road head = magical
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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