Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Too much gin, very little bucket
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
