You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
