so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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