To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
