i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
