I like to think it a success when the cops are called
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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