I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
