I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
