Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just tell him i said nine months
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
