i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I need to sanitize my soul.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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