Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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