i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
