You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
