I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
