I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
