TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
