your thong is hanging out like whoa
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
