I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
