And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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