i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She needs sedatives and a leash
Randomize
