Capitaan dildo arrescate!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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