Pappa wants mamma naked
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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