Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
