So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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