every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
