i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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