those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
