Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm always down for nudity.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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