I like my sex mixed with concussions.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
