it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
