Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
