if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
