i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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