Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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