But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
