where am i from again
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
