ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
