Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
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I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
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Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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