Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
