There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
