She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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