fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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