Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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