9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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