I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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