i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
