Just mADE A PArabola og urine
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
