I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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