Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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