so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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