I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
