i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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