I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
