Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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