He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
