I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Randomize
