I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
