I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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