If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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