I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
