All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
