You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
time to smoke my breakfast
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
