i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
