She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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