I just saw a hot homeless man
I met the friendliest cop last night
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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