If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
