Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
