You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
