just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
