I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
