it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
