we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
