Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
