i would punch a child for taco bell
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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