I cannot find my penis.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
BRING THE BAGELS
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
