I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
