ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
