We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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